His Light
by What-You've-Got-Is-Gold
Summary: PROMISES REWRITE! "At that moment he just wanted to protect her, forever. He wanted to promise her that as long as he was there that nothing would ever hurt her, because she was the light in his dark world."/ Austin lives in a world where happiness is worn like a mask. He's an export on hiding his pain. But Ally Dawson? She is terrible at hiding it. Yet, she's still his light.


**I really should be working on Bus Boy. You guys probably hate me…**

 **Hey guys! Who's excited for this?! Yes you are I can tell ;) So this isn't exactly what I was going for, but hopefully you will like it as much as the original "Promises" because that'd be awesome.**

 **So you might see references to the originals or maybe even a bit of foreshadowing because you know what's going to happen for the most part if you have read the originals before.**

 **Anywho, here's the story. Do you need a snack? Pillow? Blanket? Alright, you good?**

 **Great!**

* * *

He realized she had been where he was. He realized that they were both broken in different ways. Mind you, they were only seventeen and fell crazy in love. But as healing, it took time for them to realize it.

He realized the differences between them, too. First the obvious ones: for one she was a girl and he was a boy. Her hair was a brunette color while his was blonde. She liked to write, and he liked expressing all of his emotions through songs he could relate to (he knew his writing was terrible and didn't try to deny it; it just wasn't his thing). Her eyes were brown, and his were hazel.

Out of all the obvious reasons there was one difference that stood out to him. It might not have been so obvious to others but it definitely was to him. Their biggest difference was the way she hid her pain on the contrary to the way he hid his.

She didn't seem to hide hers at all the way he saw it. She always looked so sad, her brown eyes clouded with a different kind of sadness everyday to the point that he just wanted to hug her and whisper, "Don't give up, it gets better. Don't lose your fight."

The way he hid it was way different. He learned a long time ago that when you say "I'm okay" it's always the exact opposite of what a simple "I'm okay" really meant. What it really meant was "I'm dying inside". But many people didn't know about the real meaning of "I'm okay", because they would nod and go about their business without thinking again that maybe he wasn't okay.

The only person that seemed to understand the real meaning of his catchphrase was his sister, while her catchphrase, along with everyone else's, was, "Are you okay?"

He hated those three words with a burning passion these days. His sister knew that by now so she rarely asked and seemed to slowly forget the true meaning of "I'm okay".

Part of him was relieved because he didn't want people to always ask him that. But that was before he became an export about wearing his happy mask that he wore every day and everywhere he went. His mask became his best friend.

Now he focused on keeping the broken girl with those brown eyes happy along with everyone else around him.

As Austin approached the stage it dawned on him that she could be here in the audience with that far away look that she always had. Maybe, he thought, just maybe I might surprise her. She has the songwriting talent but I don't see _her_ coming up here to show her talent in front of the whole school; after all this was a talent show.

He called her Alls, like everyone else did that knew her and actually didn't bully her. Her real name was Ally, short for Allison as Alls was short for Ally.

He first met Ally on the first day of his senior year; the most important year. Everyone got to pick their own seat to sit at for the rest of the year in math, their first period. Austin knew he didn't want to sit with anyone that looked like too much of a douche; not with a girl that was drooling over him either or boys that had called him "trailer trash" ever since he was in grade school. This was even before he moved to Miami- he hadn't lived in a trailer since he was fourteen. The reason he moved? We'll get to that later. Back to Ally.

Austin's first impression on Alls was that she seemed so lost in the world. Her expression was glazed with wanting, as if she wanted to be found. She wasn't like the other girls, who were smiling at him and patting their seats, mouthing, "sit here, this seat isn't taken." Although a lot of the girls were pretty, he went past them and into the very back where Ally was sitting, glasses on the bridge of her nose and a smile formed on his lips as he pulled up her glasses that looked close to falling out.

"Is this seat taken?" he asked quietly, looking down at the girl who looked scared out of her wits.

"Y-You wanna sit next to _me_?" Her voice was soft and the fear in it scared Austin. He knew right away that she wasn't okay and he wasn't going to waste his breath asking because he already knew the answer, even if others just saw her perfectly fine. He didn't waste his time on questions he knew the answers to.

"Sure," he smiled. "It's not taken, is it?"

She licked her teeth and shook her head. "No."

"Great!" he beamed as he took a seat next to her.

And that was how their friendship had begun. It wasn't some huge story, really, if that's what you were thinking. All Austin did was ask if he could sit next to her and they started talking.

Incase Alls was there, he licked his finger and slid it through I piece of hair- that was stupidly sticking up- as an attempt to impress her. He didn't know what it was, he just felt this unwanted affection towards her more than he wanted to admit.

He took a breath as he approached the piano that was waiting for him in the center of the stage. The piano was big, white, and worth a lot. "Hi everyone," he said. "I'm Austin Moon. I hope everyone is having a good time tonight. Without further ado, This Is Gospel by Panic At The Disco."

Austin always liked this song, especially the slowed down version. The piano he was going to play it on was a lot like the one in the music video. If he felt down (like he always did) he would listen to it and somehow feel at peace. Everyone seemed to have different ways of looking at it, but to him it was like depression. If you listen to it closely, like Austin did.

He played the chords on the piano that he had practiced a hundred of times on his keyboard (they couldn't afford a real piano). It drive his sister, Piper, mad. She loved his singing but always asked him in the middle of doing her homework (she was in college) at the kitchen table, "Do you have to play that _now_?"

The irritation in her voice somewhat hurt his feelings, but he brushed it off. "Yep," he smiled. "Plus, if you don't like it than listen to your _own_ music."

"I just may do that," she murmured, taking her headphones out of her pocket and frowned when she realized how tangled they were.

Austin snickered. "Have fun untangling those sis," he mused, then went back to playing.

But it was real now, and instead of annoyance in his sister's eye there was pride as she recorded him with her camera. He really wished she wouldn't do that, because it made him more nervous than he always was.

He took a breath and closed his eyes before singing. And as if all the emotions he had been hiding poured out of his mouth.

" _This is gospel for the fallen ones  
Locked away in permanent slumber  
Assembling their philosophies  
From pieces of broken memories."_

He spent a long time trying to figure this part out. Most of the time he attempted to write down what it meant. Other times when he lay in bed, unable to sleep even though he was exhausted, trying to figure it out. He came up with that that piece of the song meant that this was a song for the people that took their own lives, unable to go on, so their memory was broken.

 _Their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds_  
 _But they haven't seen the best of us yet."_

Austin's eyes wandered everywhere but the people in the auditorium. But when he caught the eye of Ally Dawson, it was hard to look away.

" _If you love me let me go  
If you love me let me go."_

His favorite part of the song. He was always told that if you love someone let them go. Everything that loved him didn't seem to understand this. _  
_

"' _Cause these words are knives and often leave scars  
The fear of falling apart  
And truth be told, I never was yours  
The fear, the fear of falling apart."_

His voice died and he played more keys on the piano.

This is gospel for the vagabonds,  
Ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards  
Confessing their apostasies  
Led away by imperfect impostors."

He thought about all the bastards he met in his life, and how many of them were sitting in the audience, probably judging him.

" _Oh, Oh  
Don't try to sleep through the end of the world  
And bury me alive  
'Cause I won't give up without a fight."_

He remembered when his depression was so bad that he just wanted to give up and be buried alive with no mercy. It was a little different now, but the feeling and thoughts of it was still there.

" _If you love me let me go  
If you love me let me go  
_' _Cause these words are knives and often leave scars  
The fear of falling apart  
And truth be told, I never was yours  
The fear, the fear of falling apart."_

Austin could almost see it in his head from the music video: random things being dropped on the perfect piano. Eggs, even, dropped on the piano; even the keys. That's where he felt as if he was in the music video; the amazing singer that was Brendon Urie.

 _Oh, the fear of falling apart_  
 _Oh, the fear, the fear of falling apart."_

" _The fear of falling apart._

 _The fear of falling apart._

 _The fear of falling apart."_

He closed his eyes again, for the last thing he saw before he did was Ally looking at him with a tilted head, as if she found out the secret of life; with her eyes full of wonder and her hand cupped in her chin as she stared at him in awe. He didn't know if it was because she thought he was a good singer or liked the song he sang or both, but he felt his cheeks reddening. _  
_Putting his hand on his neck, still smiling, the audience clapped. Ally was the first to start it all. Piper was going _crazy_ , clapping the loudest and even getting up in her seat and screaming, "THAT'S MY LITTLE BROTHER RIGHT THERE! ARE YOU SEEING THIS?!" to everyone around her. It wasn't her fault either. She happened to have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which made it hard for her to sit still. Austin realized throughout his whole performance that she was starting to get ansy. The only logical explanation was that she probably forgot to take her medication.

Again.

He knew he really shouldn't be one to talk, because he had medication too to take. Two pills to take, actually. One for his depression, zoloft, and the other to help him sleep, melatonin. They were both pointless in his opinion. What was the point of taking them neither of them worked? He didn't believe that a pill would help his depression, or anything else. No matter how much therapy Piper would make him go to, nor how many pills he was forced to shove down his throat it wouldn't work because he knew he would always have it. It was like the tide on the ocean rushing up and down, it was constant. And melatonin didn't work either; he was too tired to sleep. He hadn't gotten a good night's sleep for God knows how long.

"Thank you so much," he breathed, his voice barely audible as he made his way off the stage with a smile that never left his lips.

* * *

Once the talent show was over, he found himself holding a trophe that read "first place". He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Ally. "Hey Alls," he smiled.

"Hi," she smiled back, awkwardly shifting. "Erm, I just wanted to say I really liked your performance. You did a really good job, and, Panic At The Disco is awesome, by the way."

"Thanks," he said. "I'm glad you liked it." He wanted to give her a huge, but he resisted to urge because she was looking down at the floor, unaware of the way he was looking at her as if she was the highlight of his life. Kind of like the look one of Austin's best friends since last year, Dez, would look at his food everyday at lunch.

Speaking of Dez, he was approaching them with their other friend Trish following. "I'm so proud of you buddy!" Dez beamed as he hugged his friend tightly.

"Great job with your tap dancing as well," Austin laughed.

"Thanks."

"Those were the five minutes of my life that I could never get back," Trish mumbled.

Dez pulled away from Austin's embrace, sprawling out to defend himself, leading to another silly fight that they always had.

Austin shook her head in amusement. "Trish and Dez. You learn to love 'em."

Ally laughed a little, only to be interrupted by her father calling her name. "Coming!" she called. "I'll see you Monday," she said quickly before hugging him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He froze at first, blushing for the second time that night. Letting himself relax, he pulled her into his embrace. At that moment he didn't want to let go at any costs. At that moment he just wanted to protect her, forever. He wanted to promise her that as long as he was there that nothing would ever hurt her, because she was the light in his dark world.

* * *

"I'm so proud of you," Piper said for the millionth time on the ride home. She was driving like a maniac. Now he was absolutely sure she didn't take her pill.

"Red light," Austin said, ignoring her praise. He would rather not die in a car accident. Just like...his parents. He shuddered. That's right, his and his sister's parents died in car crash. It was a dark and stormy night, and when there are storms, something always has to go wrong. He was in eighth grade when it happened, while Piper was a freshman. They lived with their aunt for almost four years. No longer wanting to live in a place that reminded them too much of their parents, the siblings saved up their money decided to move to a place that seemed to have no trouble, only joy: Miami.

Their apartment was small with only two bedrooms, but it was enough for a fresh start. It was cozy and a good neighborhood. Austin enjoyed walking along the sidewalk and to the right there was a small park where the kids liked to play and next to it was the pool.

"You forgot your medication didn't you?" Austin heaved a sigh.

"Yes I did," Piper straight up answered without denying it like she usually did.

Austin shook his head in amusement as they pulled up in the driveway, then went up the steps and into the apartment.

"You wanna watch a movie or something?" Austin asked his sister. " _After_ you take your medication?"

She pouted. "Whatever," she sighed, stomping into the kitchen, rummaging through the kitchen, pulling out the medication and gulping it down. "Happy?"

He smiled. "Yep. Now what do you wanna watch?"

"The Fault In Our Stars," she said quickly with no hesitation.

"Of course you do."

The apartment was quiet other than his sister's rather loud snoring. It didn't bother him, really, he had other things to think about.

When he closed his eyes he saw things he couldn't explain. And when he turned to his side he ran a finger through his scared wrists, that made him want to cry.

He closed his eyes, this time seeing his mother looking up at him with wide eyes and tears streamed down them. She studied his wrists. "Don't do this ever again, Austin. God, please don't," she sobbed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Promise me you'll never do this."

"I promise."

He opened his eyes, recalling the memory.

He broke his promise.

 _I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry…_

He once again thought about how bad Ally was about hiding her pain.

Even though she was just as broken as he was, for different reasons, she was still his light.

His light when everything went dark.

* * *

 **I know what you're thinking: What the heck Ashley?! This is the rewrite?! Why is is so freaking depressing?!**

 **Before you hate, just let me say one thing: in the originals both Austin and Ally were very depressed. I didn't really do as much with it as I should have. I know it makes it more dark because Promises started from Ally's prospective rather than Austin's. I really wanted to do Austin's because in the series he's a really deep character and hids his emotions and focuses on keeping Ally happy along with protecting her. We haven't gotten to him promising to actually do that but don't worry we definitely will :)**

 **It's not exactly what I was expecting but sometimes your own writing surprises you. And I also know that I really shouldn't be posting this because I haven't even finished Brave New World but whatever. I haven't finished Bus Boy either. Or All Over Again. Or Times Heals. AND I'm working on a new story as well so…**

 **Anyways!**

 **I do not own This Is Gospel by Panic At The Disco!**

 **Please tell me what you think of this and question: Which is your favorite book from the Promises series? What do you expect from this one? What do you think I should keep from the original?**

 **Let me know! Review it up!**

 **Stay gold 💕** **(that's my new catchphrase deal with it).**


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